Hey guys. I am so sorry I haven’t been around although I’m sure none of you noticed.
My life has pretty much fallen apart.
I’ve put back on most of the weight I lost due to stress.
I’m homeless, which pretty much sucks. My life was so brilliant when I lived with Josh but due to his sister I can no longer live there so I now have to pay for everything myself. At the moment I am back living with my parents which considering I moved out at 16 because I hated it so much, I’m not particularly enjoying it. I’m looking for a flat which will most likely be more than I can afford if I don’t wanna live in some shitty flat in the poor part of town which I really don’t want to go back to.
I’m finding it really hard to get a job. Seriously, what am I supposed to do? You need experiance to get a job but you can’t get experiance until you HAVE a job. I’ve applied for a club promoting job that I REALLY want to get because I love everyone who works there and they will employ me even with lilac hair. I can’t work full time because I’m struggling with college enough without working.
I’m terrified of losing all my friends. My 3 best friends have boyfriends who are also best friends including my boyfriend Josh. Not a single one of them have much going for them in their life. I hate to say it but I don’t see any of us being with our boyfriends within a year. Some of us are going to Uni this year and some of us are going nowhere. I’m just carrying on with college trying to sort out my life.
And I guess what really hurts is the fact that I don’t think I am in love with Josh anymore. He doesn’t have a job and has no intention of ever getting one. He would much prefer to spend his life smoking weed. He doesn’t treat me like a girlfriend. Even when I lived with him we were just two best friends who happened to sleep in the same bed and occasionally kissed each other. How am I supposed to hold that together now we don’t even live with each other? He doesn’t even care enough about himself to bath more than once a fortnight. How am I supposed to want to be with someone like that? It, of course, also doesn’t help that I’m pretty much in love with someone else and I have been for a very long time. I cheated on Josh a long time ago with this guy and we decided that we would just make really good friends. But those feelings never really went away. Fuck this.
How am I supposed to get through all that crap?